Monday 16 March 2020

News just in!!!

The world according to Sir Donny.

I went to see Sir Donny today.

Disclaimer: Sir Donny is a duck, a mallard actually. He lives quite happily on a lake not far from me. While I lie on the bank in a drunken stupor he comes and whispers in my ear.

None of this is true but I somehow wish it was.

Has the world gone mad?

Sir Donny asked me if I read the reports written by the Independent and The Guardian news outlets?

I said no.

He went on to explain that they had discovered information that should probably scare the pants off us, if only he knew what they were. (his words).

He told me that there is a company in Germany that specialises in creating vaccines, not just vaccines other things too, but all to combat virus and disease.

He said that this particular company had an American CEO; Chief Executive Officer. The person that makes the decisions. And he asked me to remember that.

Then pecked me in the ear, apparently I had snored. I promised I had just been clearing my throat.

What he told me next woke me up!!!

According to the reports; the German company are working on a vaccine for corona virus, novel corona virus or covid 19, depending on what you read or listen to. He thinks the company are probably one of the best in the world; or that perhaps it could just be a coincidence. Then had one of his angry quacking/laughing fits.

After he had recovered he said the reports in both papers had stated that:

Donald Trump (and probably his administration, he said they always have to have a scapegoat) had offered 1 billion dollars for the cure, the vaccine. But, under the condition that, it was only for America. I re-iterate a duck told me this.

Sir Donny asked me if I still had pants on?

If this is true it is also very grave, he said. Then asked me to consider certain things. Why the face masks and the hand gel? And why does America want to control the vaccine?

Explaining about viruses he said they mutate but you can only ever get the same one once, your body finds the anti-body for it and locks it in. You can never get it again. It's always a different cold or flu virus. He also said to remember that.

Sir Donny said the reports suggested that a meeting had taken place between Donald Trump, Mike Pence and the then CEO of the German company, in the White House.

I was asked to think back a few weeks about statements being made by the POTUS himself (he had to quack/laugh, then he came back). It was statements about there being nothing to worry about and being sure a cure would be found soon.

Did I think it was a $1 Billion cure, he asked me?

He then asked me what sort of man I thought the orange comb over boy was? I shrugged and said I didn't understand what he meant. The POULTICE he said. I corrected him.

I asked him what the point of all of this was and he had an irate quacking fit. Like one I have never seen before. And then he told me this:

Remember the American CEO? He got the sack. I said you are not allowed to say that anymore. He fell on his back waving his legs in the air and quacking loudly, a sight to behold.

Once he had recovered and I had wiped his eyes he said: the German company in question had been taken over by the original founder; the person who had created the company and made it what it is today. He was now in charge.

They had released a statement Sir Donny said: Whatever we find is for the whole world.

He got quite grave then, again, and asked: Why would one human want to do this to another? Buy out the market and then control it when lives are at stake?

I said it's happened before. He asked me when? I said whoever is perceived as the most powerful is always the one in charge. He asked me is the public eye the perception? I had no answer.

Sir Donny suggested that perhaps something has been released that is now out of control. I reminded him that he is just a duck prone to laughing fits (or just quacking). But something has made the world stop, he said, and I am still a duck.

Then I had to pick him up and ask him if he needed Oxygen. Then he pecked me in the eye and told me to (I won't repeat what he said)


It still just is what it is. We have the choice too.

Tuesday 18 February 2020

More News

News just in!!!

The world according to Sir Donny.

Disclaimer: Sir Donny is a duck, a mallard actually. He lives quite happily on a lake not far from me. While I lie on the bank in a drunken stupor he comes and whispers in my ear.

None of this is true but I somehow wish it was.

Has the world gone mad?

According to Sir Donny it hasn't gone completely mad.

He asked me to write something about the lake that he lives on, a memory.

So, several years ago, in winter, back when my daughter was more innocent and not so obsessed with social media, we went to the park to feed the ducks.

We know now that feeding bread to the local wildfowl is a bad thing to do but back then it was normal and they didn't seem to mind.

I mean; I have never seen anything like it. As we walked through the gates towards the lake it was like a gathering. And I am not exaggerating.

Nearly every floating bird made a positive move towards us, led by two swans. It was awesome. Then they all got out of the lake.

I didn't realise Swans were so big, or so polite. Having stood between two of them I can honestly attest to both.

I am only five foot seven, so not the tallest of men, but I didn't feel intimidated, it was more like privelege. I was standing between two Swans, in front of a lot of Geese and Ducks with a bag of bread in my hand. And they were asking me, or so it seemed.

It didn't remain so polite with the ducks and geese when I started giving the bread out but the swans never moved. They just stood there one on each side of me and waited. And when I gave them bread they just took it and remained where they were while the clamour went on in front of them.

Standing almost eye to eye with two swans was incredible. And we did look at each other.

Perhaps it would have been better if my younger daughter had been as obsessed with social media as she seems to be now because I think this may have gone viral.

But it is what it is and so I write about it. One of my favourite memories. And something I will never forget.

Standing between two very large and very polite Mute Swans while the Canada Geese and Mallard Ducks fought over the bread. It really was awesome.

And Sir Donny asked me to write about it. Although he say's he wasn't part of it, it gets passed down. Apparently he believes it will be enlightening, bless him.

Tuesday 11 February 2020

News Just In

News just in!!!

The world according to Sir Donny.

Disclaimer: Sir Donny is a duck, a mallard actually. He lives quite happily on a lake not far from me. While I lie on the bank in a drunken stupor he comes and whispers in my ear.

None of this is true but I somehow so wish it was.

Has the world gone mad?

Sir Donny got quite agitated about this, or at least I think he did, he may have just been laughing.

Now one of them likes to wear make-up and the other likes to look like he he put his clothes on while being dragged through a hedge backwards.

Or is it just some surreall self reality that we are supposed to be part of and buy into?

Life is not a game show or part of a lesson at private school.

Well...

...not for most of us

A.K.A. The ones that count (and can say origins...although that may have been an ill thought out jibe at the press and, perhaps, the people who invented light bulbs)

So what is it about? A picture of reality?

There is a certain picture of the self proclaimed one and it isn't as pretty as he'd like.

There are always pictures of the other one.

When an older woman won't vote for him because he doesn't even know how to buy shirts that fit....(I still haven't stopped laughing about any of it).

More than one picture exists, however, it's the latest ones that seem to be creating the most trouble (though how an inanimate object can cause trouble is way beyond Sir Donny's level of understanding).


The offending picture in black and white, photoshopped, apparently.

The original:

Probably photoshopped too I suspect will be said.


According to the Twitter feed it was photoshopped!!!

However it also stated that "the hair looks good."

Sir Donny thinks it's a comb over with a lot of hairspray, (I couldn't comment).

Is there an illness for peeing yourself laughing? I should be hospitalised.

Onto the other clown, said Sir Donny.

These people are in charge by the way. (not the duck)

This picture looks similar Sir Donny said.

Somewhat more indifferent though, whatever that means.

Although he also wanted to know if they wear those big slappy shoes so he may not be such a reliable source.

He asked how safe I felt and then said he can't talk about certain countries because of migrating geese. I have no idea why he would say that, but I do know he thinks he has a point.


Then he told me top get up and go home and use photoshop.

So I did.

Sir Donny said he doesn't look happy...

He wanted to know where he lives...

When I asked why he wouldn't tell me. Something about locking up daughters and pecking eyes out; I think I may have heard, but I can't be sure.

He is, after all, a duck.

But he has a wicked sense of humour.